All Scottish Teachers

Media stories

* Radio Clyde Breakfast Show - Friday June 6 2008 - site mentioned by George Bowie

* Herald Diary column - Friday 19 October 2007 - story from site mentioned.

* BBC Radio Scotland - John Beattie pm show - stories quoted during show, site mentioned, July 2007.

* Times Ed Scotland - story used & site acknowledged - Friday Sept 16 2005

* Herald Diary column - Tuesday 6 Sept '05 - story quoted & site acknowledged

* Times Ed Scotland - story used & site acknowledged - Friday June 10th 2005

* Mentioned by George Bowie on Clyde 1 - first anniversary of the site - June 9th 2005

* Match ball sponsor - Saturday 8 January '05:

Advert for site in match programme for Clyde FC's 3-0 victory over Falkirk in Scottish Cup 3rd round tie.

"Bully Wee, Bully Wee, Bully Wee!"

* TES Scotland - "Back Paige" Friday 10 December:
" and you can take yer f****in dug wae ye" appears - no site acknowledgement however!

* Scottish Sun - Saturday 20 November:

Website mentioned as a good source of funny stories.

* Scotsman/Edinburgh Evening News - Tuesday 26 October:

Part of an article:

Now, thanks to a new website which has been set up by a Scottish language teacher, those of us not privy to such break-time conversations can now log on and listen in to have a good old guffaw at genuine gaffes which have happened in our schools.

Classic clangers featured on include a pupil who was studying French and thought that "moi aussi" meant "Iím an Australian" as well as the first year pupil who wrote that Dracula had opened his coat and "reviled himself".

And top marks for the teacher who contained her mirth at primary two "news time" in one of the Capitalís schools when a boy announced that he had come downstairs for a drink of water late at night and reported that he saw "mum and dad sunbathing in front of the living room fire".

* BBC Radio Scotland - Tuesday 26 October:

Live on the Fred MacAulay show.

* Glasgow Evening Times - Friday 22 October:

Scots teacher's class clangers

A GLASGOW teacher has launched a website dedicated to the more humorous side of school life.
Robert Morrison lists a catalogue of real-life classroom clangers and spelling slip-ups by pupils, teachers and parents.
Languages teacher Robert celebrates 26 years of funny stories in the classroom in his website - - which has attracted 190,000 hits from all over the world since being launched in June.
Robert's wife Lilian bought him the site as a 50th birthday gift and now thousands of people are giggling at the tales of life in Scottish schools.
Some of the funniest examples include a Scots pupil on a trip to Antwerp who asked his teacher "What's Belgian for a bridie?"
Another parent explained that their child was kept off school as he was upset at being caught playing truant.
But Robert's favourite is the absence note he got early in his career from a parent who said her child had been off with "bazookas on her feet".

* Scottish Daily Mail - Friday 22 October:

Article on the site.

* Aberdeen Press & Journal - Thursday 21 October:


09:00 - 21 October 2004

Teachers, it's time to put the DIY projects on the back-burner and pack your briefcases for the new term. If you're less than excited at the prospect of prelims, stress and unruly pupils, check out a new Scottish website full of classroom clangers - it'll remind you why you do it, writes VICTORIA MURCHIE

Little Johnny had been off school unwell. On his return, he went up to his teacher's desk and handed in the absence note from his mum.

"Please excuse Johnny for being off school as he had bazookas on his feet."

If you're not spluttering into your cornflakes yet, you soon will be - just go to for more, 100% genuine, howlers from the classroom.

Robert Morrison, head of a language department in a Glasgow school, has been teaching for 26 years and this particularly amusing absence note was handed to him fairly early on in his career - there have been many others.

In fact, ask any teacher - primary or secondary, maths, geography or English - they all have stories that would bring a tear to a glass eye.

"These tales are what keep you going," laughs Robert, who created the site following his 50th birthday this year.

Rather than a watch or a new set of golf clubs, Robert's wife bought him a website and, after years of storing stories in his head, he is at last able to share them with a wider audience.

Since it was launched in June, the site, designed by Garth Lauckner, has had more than 180,000 hits.

There have been visitors from 60 different countries, including Japan, the Middle East, Australia, Canada, Belgium, Ascension Island and even Nepal. Bizarrely, it is even visited by the US military every month.

Like every job, teaching has its highs and lows, says Robert.

"However, one thing that has always been there for me is the fun I've had in sharing stories in the staff room - a great way to relieve stress."

And he hopes the website will be "something to keep us all going during a long, dark winter term".

Currently, the majority of stories are from the central belt - though this week he got a couple of new ones from Dundee - and he is challenging school staff in the rest of the country to better them.

Stories that are submitted are edited to ensure anonymity for parents, pupils and, as often as not, embarrassed teachers whose colleagues have been telling tales.

Are the parents of prospective pupils going to be impressed by the hapless heidie who announced over the school tannoy: "All please-takes for Mr C have been cancelled. He'll be in today as his funeral has been cancelled."

Or how about the female teacher on a school trip to Austria who shouted at a group of fruit-laden pupils on their way back from a supermarket: "Girls, where did you get those big melons from?"

Robert's favourite remains the bazooka tale, but he has a soft spot for the tale from a colleague returning from a school trip to northern France.

"The kids had bought a carry-out for the last night and buried it in the sand dunes. They confessed to him on the journey home that they hadn't been able to find it.

"There's another great story about a guidance teacher who had to contact a parent about his absent child and, as is the norm these days, it was a mobile number.

"He called the number and the father told him no, his son wouldn't be in - he was sitting with him in a bar in Seville."

Robert has been overwhelmed by the response to the site and he hopes people will continue to submit their own tales.

The purpose of the site is to entertain and he hopes no one will take offence.

"It's simply for a laugh."

To read more stories, or add your own, go to www.allscottish

* Herald (Glasgow) - Monday 18 October. Diary section running another story from the site:

Crossed lines

A teacher in the north of Scotland shares a chalkface reminiscence with Robert Morrison's website, A 15-year-old pupil once undertook a work placement to a hospital's geriatric department Ė an area of healthcare in which she'd expressed a keen interest.
However, after her first day she complained bitterly to her teacher: "I hate it, old folk are dead rude, they don't talk to you. I was on my own with one in a room for ages, she just completely ignored me." Inquiries established that she'd been sent to the stroke ward.

* Herald (Glasgow) - Friday 15 October. Diary section has an article on the site:

Home comforts

GLASGOW teacher Robert Morrison, who has created a website,, so colleagues can share classroom tales, tells us about a secondary school's trip to Antwerp. Encouraging his young charges to develop a feel for European life and culture, the teacher told them to wander around and sample the delicacies in the square's many cafes, suggesting frites, waffles, or perhaps even a croque monsieur. Ten minutes later he was approached by a boy asking: "Whit's the Belgian fur bridie?"

* TES (England) - Friday Sept 17, Diary section mentions a story from the site - Chris Bunting

* TES Scottish Edition - Friday 20 August. "Jotter" on back page carries a similar article to the one below.

* TES (English version) - Friday July 30. Diary section contains a report by Chris Bunting:

"The Diary is loath to do itself out of a job but a new website is
offering teachers the chance to share funny classroom moments. Its
name,, betrays its roots north of the
border but the site's mastermind, Robert Morrison, head of languages
at a Glasgow secondary, says stories have arrived from across the UK
and as far afield as Australia, China and the United States since it
was set up earlier this year.

Some are classics, like the attendance officer who received this
explanation from a parent:"J was kept off school yesterday as he was
upset at having been caught truanting." Or the accidentally ambiguous
school PA system announcement: "Would all pupils stop aimlessly
throwing snowballs in the playground."

Other tales have a nice local flavour, like the deputy head who
plucked up the courage to speak to a Glaswegian mother about her
child's BO. She replied: "He's here tae be telt, no tae be smelt!
He's no a f***in' geranium."

But our favourite was a note that shows what so many staff
put up with: "Dear Miss, Fred couldn't do his punishment exercise as
his sister and I treated him to a McDonald's."

* Several mentions on "Bowie at Breakfast" - Clyde One (



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